Affairs in Relationships – Part 3: Chronic Cheating

In the last article we looked at different motivations for cheating and discussed the archetypes. In addition to these reasons, there are also people who cheat without a “good reason”. These people have a chronic pattern of behavior that is less about the other person in the affair and more about the fact that a monogamous relationship cannot last. It’s also sometimes more about longer-term side relationships than a single night with a stranger.

A study in 2014 correlated sexual narcissism (the belief in one’s own sexual potency) with cheating. Experts are sure that there are clear connections between chronic cheaters and narcissism. It is logical to draw such conclusions, since a narcissist is only concerned with their own well-being and the satisfaction of their own needs, and the feelings and satisfaction of their partner are far less important, if not irrelevant. Narcissists lack empathy for other people and see themselves as the ultimate best. Coupled with the constant desire for external admiration, it is easy to understand why narcissistic people are more likely to cheat and they do not understand why their own satisfaction should be „limited“ in favor of a relationship.

Behavioral scientist Carmen McGuinness links cheating and narcissism to psychopathy, estimating the likelihood of chronic cheating in such people at 95%. Feelings of guilt and remorse are simply not given to these people.

In the case of chronic cheating, it is important to distinguish between different types:

• «The Adventurer»
  This person originally chose to be monogamous, but is now constantly looking for something „new“ or „exciting.“ They don’t care about their partner’s vulnerability and accordingly pursue their „goal“ without any moral principles.

• «The Egoist»
  This is a person with serious, underlying issues. Such people may also be abusive, or violent toward their partner, and may feel almost compelled to exercise control and power over other people (whether in the relationship or in the affair). Many of these people do not feel guilty because of their behavior, and often belong to the spectrum of personality disorders, such as psychopathic, anti-social, narcissistic, etc. These people will be having difficulty being helped in therapy, because they themselves do not recognize the „problem“, and do not want to change anything about their behavior, thought pattern and their feelings and emotions. This person will not end the affair, provided all the people involved cooperate (some may not be aware of the actual situation), this must be done by either the partner in the relationship or the affair. These people disregard social conventions, don’t share the values ​​of a monogamous relationship, don’t keep their promises, are only looking for added value, and will simply replace an ended affair by a new affair.