Relationship with a Narcissist: Three signs that you are still in the „victim stage“ of narcissistic abuse – Part V

Narcissistic abuse can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) within the family, in the narcissists‘ environment or in individuals, which is why it is all the more important that we know more about it today and learn how we can process and eventually let go of it.

You have finally been able to free yourself from an abusive situation or relationship and have gained some distance.
You have been committed to pursuing your own interest and things that are good for you and that can help you on your way back to your true self. You may be in therapy or have found a group or a person who can help you process what you have experienced. You let go of old patterns and focus on what is important to you and think of yourself as a valuable person.

Despite all efforts, there are times when people remain in the “victim stage” of narcissistic abuse for a while.

Here are three classic signs:

• Your point of view and narrative style still revolves around the “perpetrator”, not your own experience.
  For example, „He did this to me, which is why I now behave like this“, this statement clearly corresponds to a „victim role“ and does not deal with the pain or injuries that have arisen, which should be the focus of the discussion. Make sure that you focus on yourself and leave the „perpetrator“ aside. Your feelings, emotions, your way of thinking and how you see yourself should now be the sole focus of your healing.

• You’re easily triggered.
  With unprocessed old emotions and feelings, anger, nervousness or other feelings can suddenly arise in completely unrelated situations, because something reminds you of what you have experienced. Once you can identify such triggers, working on resolving them becomes easier and you can work through and let go of old situations in which you felt upset, so that this no longer accompanies you in life and you no longer feel like a «bomb about to go off». Hypnotherapy can offer efficient support here, as these triggers are mostly subconscious and cannot simply be identified or justified in the conscious mind.

• You’re falling back into old patterns.
  Unhealthy old patterns from a previous relationship, like triggers, can appear suddenly. For example, you suddenly fall back into the „victim role“ if you are rejected or just come across a different opinion. To uncover these, take a look at your classic behavioral patterns; In certain situations, do you suddenly shop for things that you don’t need at all, do you routinely drink more than you actually enjoy, or do you eat too much when you are dissatisfied? There is often a coping mechanism behind such patterns. Often such activities are also about poor self-esteem or a feeling of “not being enough”. This also applies to emotional behavior patterns. These, like triggers, need to be identified and then changed. You no longer need these because you are no longer in a relationship with a condescending, toxic person that makes you unhappy.

Unfortunately, in most relationships with a narcissist, there is no real, satisfying end to it. Narcissists simply can’t do that, they don’t care how others are feeling, and they don’t understand how a breakup could be bad. In the narcissist’s eyes, the „guilt“ lies solely with the other person.

I would like to let you know that there is nothing wrong with being or having been a “victim”. What happened is not your «fault» and you can now control your life again and strengthen your self-worth. Doing such healing work all by yourself, without outside support, can be a lengthy and difficult process and it is important that you are aware of where you are on your way of processing and healing. This will also protect you from attracting or entering into similar relationships again.

People who fall for toxic narcissists again and again often have a pattern of such in the family system or experience a feeling of familiar relationship patterns, may know no different from childhood and are therefore the perfect „victim“ for a narcissist. This often happens because the familiar feels safe and somewhat comforting. It is essential to resolve this, otherwise you will always attract the same people who are simply not good for you. Hypnotherapy can help you incomparably, because this is the only form of therapy that works in the subconscious, dissolves such entanglements and patterns and sets long-term anchors for positive changes.

Feel free to reach out to me for an appointment, either call my practice or fill out the contact form to discuss further.